He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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