So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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