i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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