Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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