Kiss
Puke
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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