Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
