he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
