I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize