If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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