Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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