I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
