i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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