apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
