My hand turned me down
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
