we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
