Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
