in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tell your sister to shave her snatch
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
