2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
