Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
