the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
where am i from again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
