Don't make out with my wife yet
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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