just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
