Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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