The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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