My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
