last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
