It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
