Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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