I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
