Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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