so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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