That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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