My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
