I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
