Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
