It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
