she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
