I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
