she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
