I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
