if you like me you must not know who I am
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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