We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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