Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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