He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
