why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
