It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
