You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
