Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize