My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
