Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
