Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't deserve a penis
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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