If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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