why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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