i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
