Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i out mim tonsoeep
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