Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
