why didn't you poke me back
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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