my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
not ubering you a puppy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
