can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My bed is full of blood and feathers
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
