I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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