we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
