It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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