we have officially lost it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
