Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
