true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want nice things and good sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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