I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
