I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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