So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
