How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
