I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
