This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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