Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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