I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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