Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
