You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just had sex on a roof
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The power of my boobs compel you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
