Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
