Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
